did you get engaged???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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