You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
