Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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