I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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