My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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