If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
