Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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