I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
