what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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