as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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