he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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