Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
