i can't believe i had my finger in that
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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