when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
