My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
