Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
