Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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