I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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