I'm going to jail i love you
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I CAN MOONWALK!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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