I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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