Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got her a Nickelback box set.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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