im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize