Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
