guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
