I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize