is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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