I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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