i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
