I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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