Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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