Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
