I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love you. Go after that dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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