i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
