Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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