Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
