I am in a vortex of obligation.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
