that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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