I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
