He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
