if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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