Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
