Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
