In the future we'll all be gay
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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