so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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