We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
