I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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