True but thats because hes a fetus.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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