how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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