As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
