I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
