Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
