should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
