I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
