My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
