you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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