He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
