All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
