a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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