This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
