You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
