I bet he comes in French.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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