my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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