Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
