Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
