I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You ruined the universe
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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