finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
