she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I understand Curling. That high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
