3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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