My friends, they love my intelligence
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
