So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think a kid would responsible me up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
