That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is wine microwaveable?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize