You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
