So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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