I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
