I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
