dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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