Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
