So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its about making memories worth repressing
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
