Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
