What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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