I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
