He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
