p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
