She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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