I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
