Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
