she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
