he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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