I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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