My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
