Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you would pick up someone in the library
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
