party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
