were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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