How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
