hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They have beer where we have blood.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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