hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
