idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
