So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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