A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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