Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
