My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
