I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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