great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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